My Heart Scare

So I thought turning 50 wasn't a big deal.  I accomplished that task in early August and didn't think much of it.  I'm extremely healthy, tons of energy and still feel like I have at least 40 more good years left.

That notion got slammed Friday night when I got my first health scare.  I have been experiencing rapid heart rate all week.  The first time it happened I was at work and I couldn't get the rate to go down, other than that I felt fine.  I went home and laid down for about 20 minutes and finally it went away.  Stirling and I went to the movies and saw ParaNorman (which was a cute film BTW).

All week I noticed that my heart would start quickening up but it went away pretty suddenly as well.

So on Friday when my heart started quickening I thought "that's odd" and went to get something to eat.  I'm sitting in my car eating my PB&J when I notice that the heart rate isn't slowing down and I'm starting to faint.  I was totally aware, and awake at the same time that it went totally dark.  Odd feeling, like someone turned out the lights but you are aware that the lights are out, not like a real faint.

So I went inside and called my doctor's office (I haven't visited them in 3 years) and they kept trying to get the doctor on call to tell me what to do.  Finally the doctor said to go to the ER as it could be serious. 

I got to the ER and one of my long-time customers was handing the incoming people.  She took my pulse and next thing I knew I was in a wheelchair headed to a gurney.  All this time I wasn't taking it very seriously.  I laughed because one of the ER people recognized me but could not place me.  My customer told him where I worked and he said "hey, you took our family portraits a couple years ago".  That was pretty surreal.

I also had a laugh when they put me on the gurney and I realized that my characteristic miss-matched socks probably looked very strange to these people.  They probably though that something was wrong with my vision or my mind.  I looked at my one dark blue sock next to the hot pink one with pretty hearts on it and laughed.

They put the sticky EKG things all over my chest (I found some on my ankles later) and I got an IV and about 5 people descended on me.  One VERY southern nurse came over and asked my religious preference.  I said "I'm an atheist" very matter of fact and she answered "An atheist?" like she had never heard that before.  I started to get very worried, why would they need to know this? Did I need my last rites?

The ER doctor came over and held my hand and asked me lots of questions about my lifestyle, caffeine (almost none), drugs, medication, alcohol, allergies and so on. The answer to everything is "none." She gave me a drug that shocks the heart into a natural rhythm, she said it is going to make me woozy but it was used a lot and I will come out of it quickly.  At this point I really got scared, I thought my son is going to me very worried and Mark will be angry because I didn't tell him I was experiencing this all week.

I started to cry, not the bawling type of cry.  The kind that just has tears pouring out of you eyes and running down your cheeks, but you can't wipe the tears away.  Everyone was busy around me, and the doctor was holding my hand and telling me everything would be okay.  She smiled at me but which helped a lot, she kept asking me questions and I was completely coherent the whole time.   Finally the drug kicked in through the IV and I felt really faint again, within seconds my heart was back to a normal rhythm. 

They explained that a normal heart rate is about 90, if you are working out then it may go up to 120 or so.  Mine was registering at 208 - 220.  That was why they were so concerned.  My blood pressure was fairly normal the whole time.

They ran a bunch of tests and gave me a medication to keep my heart rate lower, the doctor said that it was something that happens more often that you would think.  Probably it had nothing to do with my lifestyle.  She wrote superventricular tacycardia on my paperwork and referred me to a cardiologist for further tests. 

She said that I held up really well and for a long time (the heart was beating like that for about 90 minutes before I went to the ER) and that I will probably know if it is starting to happen again in plenty of time to get back to the ER. 

By this time I had calmed down and was able to text a few people from bed.  Stirling called Mark who was upset with me for "being so darn stubborn". 

Then something really scary happened, being that the battery was so low on my phone, and having nothing to read and not feeling sleepy at all, I listened in to the southern nurse and the people in ER next to me.

Apparently a daughter (also a nurse at that same hospital) had brought in her mother (about 85) and they were waiting for tests to come back.  They were taking about the presidential election, both were agreeing that they were not excited about the candidates.   I think they thought Obama was just "too slick" the daughter preferred Romney.  She called him a "self-made man" and then said, "I don't know how Obama managed to become President when he can't prove that he was born in the United States."  The nurse replied "He was just in the right place at the right time."

Talk about my heart rate elevating again!  That was just unbelievable.  

So, I'm home today feeling just a little weary.  I feel fine other than that.  Mark is calling me every couple hours and Stirling was hovering until he had to go to work.  I know I'm 50, and before last night I really didn't think much about my age.  I also know that probably everyone reading this has had worse scares, this was just my first.  I shared many many visits to that ER with my mother.  I thought it would be many years before I would be the one on the gurney.  Surprise!

I know that I'm doing everything right, weight hovering around 150, keeping myself active and healthy.  But even doing the right things might not be enough.  Hurry up medical science and start fixing all these things we have no control over.  Instead of prayer I think we should combating pseudoscience so we aren't wasting our time and money on areas that have a nil chance of panning out.  Instead, we need to support people to go into the sciences, and support science education and good legislature.  Make sure we hold our government responsible for making well informed choices, and support our children's teachers (and not just science teachers).

Going to need all your help people.  You or someone you love might be next on the gurney and I'm sure you will feel a lot better if they are discussing what Curiosity just discovered on Mars than Obama's nationality.   We all need to find our path and passion to helping make this possible.  As Stirling was telling me this morning, more people are interested in what's new with Lindsay Lohan than whats happening on Mars. I hope he is wrong, but I suspect he is right.

Fat I Have Known and How I Lost it

 I've been wanting to write a blog for some time now about my weight loss.  I'm a factual kind of person and okay with the idea others are going to know my business.  Oh well.  Anyway having come across this photo of me Xmas 2007 last night when I was uploading pictures to my Picasa site I just knew I had to save it as a reminder to myself.  Years ago my sister told me when she was trying to loose weight she would put the fattest picture she could find of herself on the refrigerator.  I guess this is the equivalent of doing so, now everyone reading this blog has to promise to remind me of what I'm writing if I ever start looking like this again. Promise!

I think in this image I was about 195, thats the largest I've ever been, I'm about 5'3" and I was 45.  I didn't feel bad, no health issues and very energetic.  I think I wore size 16 pants.  I haven't always been this heavy, I think I was normally about 185ish.  Also remember that it is the camera angle, no makeup and harsh lighting that are making this image even more awful.  A good photographer with the subject dressing up with makeup and hair can really improve this image.

I also don't want to insult anyone who thinks 195 isn't fat.  I totally understand that it is all relative.  What is important to me in this blog is that I was unhappy with that amount of weight on me.  Some people might think that the 148 I'm at now is still overweight, some might think that anything under 200 is okay.  Again this is about my opinion of myself, my personal blog I'm sharing with you. 

Okay enough disclaimer, on to what I learned about myself.

At this time I wasn't unhealthy, but I noticed that I didn't like to shop for clothes (not that it is a favorite task, but at this time I REALLY didn't want to shop).  I also got winded going on walks I used to love.  I found myself eating out 3-5 times a week, and my bank account was really suffering.

What to do about it?  Okay here is what happened.  I realized later how much being in a relationship with the wrong person affected my weight.  My BF was (and suppose still is) a very good person.  But he liked to eat.  He loved candy and big meals.  When we got together he was about 220 at 6'.  Being with me he got down to about 190.  Talk about relative, being in a relationship with me, he lost weight because he drank waaaay less beer and cut back on the dinning out.

He had to go.  Not because of the eating, but because we weren't communicating.  Now that I'm wiser I call it Double AC.  Attention, Affection and Communication, this is what is important to me.  I realized later that he and I rarely talked.  About the only time we did was when we went to dinner, we would sit across the table from each other and talk about things, I enjoyed this so much I wanted to linger.  In order to do this I would eat more and more, maybe even desert.  He also had this thing about candy, after every holiday he would go to the store and buy many bags of candy at 50% off.  Bring it home and it would be laying all over the place.  I know, I didn't have to eat it, but there it was all yummy and looking at me.  I was able to resist it somewhat, but still indulged at times.

Also during this time I was at SJSU in the Master's program and my mother lived with us because her health was bad and she could not live alone.  Both were very stressful.  Whenever we had to call an ambulance (several times a year) we would follow behind and stop at the store first.  (we knew there would be a long time before we could see her) And I would buy all my favorite candy for the waiting room.  I told myself "who cares, life is short".

Eating is such a social thing, even now that I'm less I still struggle trying to find activities that allow me to socialize and not eat.  Think about it, when you get together with friends and family doesn't it involve getting pizza or sharing a bottle of wine? 

One solution I came up with to feed my social needs and not overeat was to start playing pool again.  I love pool.  Not just the game or the skill but the people.  When you play in tournaments you are forced to play people who you would never have spoken to before.  I play 2 nights a week with people who were once total strangers and are now friends.  I don't drink or eat the entire time I'm there. (okay rarely I do)  I'm not really exercising, but movement is always good, especially when I'm not shoving food in my face.

I have been eating mall pizza or burger and fries for almost 30 years.  I have learned to get by on small portions, but still a single slice of cheese pizza and a Dr. Pepper (my drink of choice) isn't cheap (5 days a week) and it isn't healthy.  I was already starting to lose weight but knew I had to do something about my lunches.  This was a painful decision to make but I'm very glad now I did it. 

I started packing my lunch, it isn't very healthy but it is cheap and better than pizza.  Now I pack a lunch every morning and leave it in my car.  Then on my 30 minute lunch I go out to my car, pick up the newspaper I didn't finish in the morning and sit and enjoy the day.  Way better than the noisy food court with blaring videos and babies crying.  In the food court, every day was the same.  Now I can park in different places in the lot, and as the weather changes so does my view.  I also don't take the close parking spaces but opt for more of a walk.

I've also started taking my lunch at 2:00 instead of 12:00.  This made a big difference when I got used to the time change.  Now when I get home from work I'm not starving and shove whatever is near in my face. 

Another major change I made was to switch from orange juice and Dr. Pepper to ice tea.  I drink several big glasses each day, I make it at home so I'm saving a lot of money.  It is unsweetened and I just add Sweet & Low.  I went from 120 calories to Zero calories just from that one change per meal.

My Boyfriend Mark is diabetic and has really helped me make these changes.  He talked me into eating oatmeal with blueberrys and strawberries with some kind of fiber cereal every morning instead of eating 3 bowls of Capt' Crunch which I lived on.  Making my lunch was also a chore and I found an excuse nearly every morning why I didn't have time to make it.  So now I start out making my lunch before I start the oatmeal, this way I'm thinking how hungry I am and I better get the lunch made.  Its a routine that I've started and it works.

Lastly this tip is a big one.  I started buying very powerful breath mints (I like Listerine Fresh Burst strips) and pop those in my mouth every time I feel like I'm getting a craving.  They are pretty powerful and have almost no calories.  My friend Scott told me that this really helped with the cravings when he was trying to stop smoking.

Brushing your teeth has the same effect, after dinner its great to take my time brushing and flossing.  I don't want to eat anything afterwards.  The stronger the flavor I use the better, nothing tastes good after a powerful toothpaste or breath strip. The cravings really are cut back.

Soooo now I'm down to a size 6 in most jeans, 148 pounds as of this morning.  I'm happier and feel more active.  I can stay right where I'm at and be happy.  My body is accepting this a normal weight and it will take a lot more changes in my eating or exercise to move the scale numbers.  It would be awesome to loose even more but I'm not sure I can afford to keep buying smaller clothes.  I'm down about 40 pounds, only 10 a year so not even a pound a month.  That really isn't much when you think about it, but over time it is a big difference, plus since I lost it slowly I have a better chance of keeping it off.

In a nutshell here is what I learned. 

*There are reasons why I overeat, once I had a nice talk with myself about these reasons I was able to address the problem.  Socialization seems to be my problem area.  If I want to hang out and eat with my friends, I need to cut back someplace else during the day, or just don't pig out when I'm with them. 

*Excuses are not healthy, if you really want to do something then make a plan and do it. 

*Take it off slowly, so it stays off.  Plus little things do matter.  Walk a bit farther, eat a bit less, it all helps. 

*I hate exercise (without a purpose).  No gyms for me, but I will put on my headphones and walk the mall listening to podcasts.  I will also garden and listen to a book-on-tape (Love Agatha Christie murders).  Exercise with a purpose can be fun. 

Now that I'm public with this blog I really have to keep this up.  I would feel totally stupid if the numbers start climbing up again knowing that I wrote this blog.  They say that when you are trying to make a life change like this, you should tell lots of people.  I guess it is peer pressure or guilt that makes it work. Whatever makes it happen.