Fat I Have Known and How I Lost it

 I've been wanting to write a blog for some time now about my weight loss.  I'm a factual kind of person and okay with the idea others are going to know my business.  Oh well.  Anyway having come across this photo of me Xmas 2007 last night when I was uploading pictures to my Picasa site I just knew I had to save it as a reminder to myself.  Years ago my sister told me when she was trying to loose weight she would put the fattest picture she could find of herself on the refrigerator.  I guess this is the equivalent of doing so, now everyone reading this blog has to promise to remind me of what I'm writing if I ever start looking like this again. Promise!

I think in this image I was about 195, thats the largest I've ever been, I'm about 5'3" and I was 45.  I didn't feel bad, no health issues and very energetic.  I think I wore size 16 pants.  I haven't always been this heavy, I think I was normally about 185ish.  Also remember that it is the camera angle, no makeup and harsh lighting that are making this image even more awful.  A good photographer with the subject dressing up with makeup and hair can really improve this image.

I also don't want to insult anyone who thinks 195 isn't fat.  I totally understand that it is all relative.  What is important to me in this blog is that I was unhappy with that amount of weight on me.  Some people might think that the 148 I'm at now is still overweight, some might think that anything under 200 is okay.  Again this is about my opinion of myself, my personal blog I'm sharing with you. 

Okay enough disclaimer, on to what I learned about myself.

At this time I wasn't unhealthy, but I noticed that I didn't like to shop for clothes (not that it is a favorite task, but at this time I REALLY didn't want to shop).  I also got winded going on walks I used to love.  I found myself eating out 3-5 times a week, and my bank account was really suffering.

What to do about it?  Okay here is what happened.  I realized later how much being in a relationship with the wrong person affected my weight.  My BF was (and suppose still is) a very good person.  But he liked to eat.  He loved candy and big meals.  When we got together he was about 220 at 6'.  Being with me he got down to about 190.  Talk about relative, being in a relationship with me, he lost weight because he drank waaaay less beer and cut back on the dinning out.

He had to go.  Not because of the eating, but because we weren't communicating.  Now that I'm wiser I call it Double AC.  Attention, Affection and Communication, this is what is important to me.  I realized later that he and I rarely talked.  About the only time we did was when we went to dinner, we would sit across the table from each other and talk about things, I enjoyed this so much I wanted to linger.  In order to do this I would eat more and more, maybe even desert.  He also had this thing about candy, after every holiday he would go to the store and buy many bags of candy at 50% off.  Bring it home and it would be laying all over the place.  I know, I didn't have to eat it, but there it was all yummy and looking at me.  I was able to resist it somewhat, but still indulged at times.

Also during this time I was at SJSU in the Master's program and my mother lived with us because her health was bad and she could not live alone.  Both were very stressful.  Whenever we had to call an ambulance (several times a year) we would follow behind and stop at the store first.  (we knew there would be a long time before we could see her) And I would buy all my favorite candy for the waiting room.  I told myself "who cares, life is short".

Eating is such a social thing, even now that I'm less I still struggle trying to find activities that allow me to socialize and not eat.  Think about it, when you get together with friends and family doesn't it involve getting pizza or sharing a bottle of wine? 

One solution I came up with to feed my social needs and not overeat was to start playing pool again.  I love pool.  Not just the game or the skill but the people.  When you play in tournaments you are forced to play people who you would never have spoken to before.  I play 2 nights a week with people who were once total strangers and are now friends.  I don't drink or eat the entire time I'm there. (okay rarely I do)  I'm not really exercising, but movement is always good, especially when I'm not shoving food in my face.

I have been eating mall pizza or burger and fries for almost 30 years.  I have learned to get by on small portions, but still a single slice of cheese pizza and a Dr. Pepper (my drink of choice) isn't cheap (5 days a week) and it isn't healthy.  I was already starting to lose weight but knew I had to do something about my lunches.  This was a painful decision to make but I'm very glad now I did it. 

I started packing my lunch, it isn't very healthy but it is cheap and better than pizza.  Now I pack a lunch every morning and leave it in my car.  Then on my 30 minute lunch I go out to my car, pick up the newspaper I didn't finish in the morning and sit and enjoy the day.  Way better than the noisy food court with blaring videos and babies crying.  In the food court, every day was the same.  Now I can park in different places in the lot, and as the weather changes so does my view.  I also don't take the close parking spaces but opt for more of a walk.

I've also started taking my lunch at 2:00 instead of 12:00.  This made a big difference when I got used to the time change.  Now when I get home from work I'm not starving and shove whatever is near in my face. 

Another major change I made was to switch from orange juice and Dr. Pepper to ice tea.  I drink several big glasses each day, I make it at home so I'm saving a lot of money.  It is unsweetened and I just add Sweet & Low.  I went from 120 calories to Zero calories just from that one change per meal.

My Boyfriend Mark is diabetic and has really helped me make these changes.  He talked me into eating oatmeal with blueberrys and strawberries with some kind of fiber cereal every morning instead of eating 3 bowls of Capt' Crunch which I lived on.  Making my lunch was also a chore and I found an excuse nearly every morning why I didn't have time to make it.  So now I start out making my lunch before I start the oatmeal, this way I'm thinking how hungry I am and I better get the lunch made.  Its a routine that I've started and it works.

Lastly this tip is a big one.  I started buying very powerful breath mints (I like Listerine Fresh Burst strips) and pop those in my mouth every time I feel like I'm getting a craving.  They are pretty powerful and have almost no calories.  My friend Scott told me that this really helped with the cravings when he was trying to stop smoking.

Brushing your teeth has the same effect, after dinner its great to take my time brushing and flossing.  I don't want to eat anything afterwards.  The stronger the flavor I use the better, nothing tastes good after a powerful toothpaste or breath strip. The cravings really are cut back.

Soooo now I'm down to a size 6 in most jeans, 148 pounds as of this morning.  I'm happier and feel more active.  I can stay right where I'm at and be happy.  My body is accepting this a normal weight and it will take a lot more changes in my eating or exercise to move the scale numbers.  It would be awesome to loose even more but I'm not sure I can afford to keep buying smaller clothes.  I'm down about 40 pounds, only 10 a year so not even a pound a month.  That really isn't much when you think about it, but over time it is a big difference, plus since I lost it slowly I have a better chance of keeping it off.

In a nutshell here is what I learned. 

*There are reasons why I overeat, once I had a nice talk with myself about these reasons I was able to address the problem.  Socialization seems to be my problem area.  If I want to hang out and eat with my friends, I need to cut back someplace else during the day, or just don't pig out when I'm with them. 

*Excuses are not healthy, if you really want to do something then make a plan and do it. 

*Take it off slowly, so it stays off.  Plus little things do matter.  Walk a bit farther, eat a bit less, it all helps. 

*I hate exercise (without a purpose).  No gyms for me, but I will put on my headphones and walk the mall listening to podcasts.  I will also garden and listen to a book-on-tape (Love Agatha Christie murders).  Exercise with a purpose can be fun. 

Now that I'm public with this blog I really have to keep this up.  I would feel totally stupid if the numbers start climbing up again knowing that I wrote this blog.  They say that when you are trying to make a life change like this, you should tell lots of people.  I guess it is peer pressure or guilt that makes it work. Whatever makes it happen.